Hogwarts, authors, and Sues Oh my!
by 13opals
Summary: When a brave girl/author sets out to save the fandom, you know things are going to get weird.
1. And so our hero is named

**AN: Hey Guys, first story. I'd appreciate some comments and stuff. Thanks. This seemed like a fun idea, so I thought I'd try it.**

_Is it true that opposites attract? Is it really? Because, well, how could the sinful Draco Malfoy fall for the beautiful, charming Miss Robina Sunshine Rainbow Hartnell, who is so good and peaceful and lovely an-_

A bell rang in the editor's head.

"Sir!" she yelled. "Quickly, Sir! We've got another one!" She turned as a young girl rushed over. She seemed about fourteen in age and had black hair, non-descriptive eyes, and an extremely boring attire.

"Stop calling me that. My name is Opal. Now what is it?" Opals said.

"Look! Another one! Complete with run-on sentences and fragments!"

Opal leaned over and took a look.

"Oh shit. Not another Malfoy Mary-Sue. That's the third this week." She turns to the editor. "Who are you? You're new, aren't you?"

The editor nodded happily. "Yes, miss. I just got accepted into the League!"

"Well, you're doing very well. Not many newcomers can understand 12 year old authors. Your name?"

"I'm xXBloodyHellXx."

Opal nodded. "You know who I am, 13opals, nice to meet you. I think I'll settle this one, xX- Bloody. I'll call you Bloody."

"Er, my name is xX-"

"Whatever. Why are you wasting time, Bloody! We have a Mary Sue on the loose! I'll need you for technical support back here. I'm going into the field."

Opals walked to a separate computer, and placed a hand on the screen. This was something she wanted the newcomer to watch. Seeing a field officer go out inspired many to work their hardest. She took a deep breath and got sucked into the computer. However, xXBloodyHellXx blinked by accident, and completely missed it.

Far away, on a distant universe, a girl landed in a story not meant for her….

**AN: I know. Short. Don't worry, they'll get longer. A lot longer. Thanks and stuff.**


	2. And so the Sue found out

**AN: Hello! So, here's Chapter 2. Hope you enjoy it. Yes, this is also pretty short. I'm working on it! **

**To JPLE: Thank you for being my first reviewer! And yeah, I hate Mary Sues, and like I said, I thought this would be fun. The names were my least favorite part though. I think Robina Sunshine Rainbow Hartnell wasn't the bad, actually. Have you heard of My Immortal? That name, however….And thanks for the praise!**

13opals, or Opal, as we've now decided to call her, ran the most probable route to the Great Hall. Of course, that only made her more confused. But wandering around gave the girl plenty of time to scope out the already noticeable changes. Having a Mary Sue in a story really changed things. For instance, Opal ran into a happily snogging couple, who then handed her candy, and told her the best things about a certain Miss Robina.

"Um, I really have to go now; can you direct me to the Great Hall?"

"But she's _so_ beautiful! How can I describe her? Shining chestnut hair and topaz eyes… "

"Yes, yes, I understand." Opal turned to walk away and find her own way. Her arm was grabbed by both of the snoggers.

"No, you have to know how perfect she is! I mean, even Draco Malfoy-"

"Wait, what about Draco Malfoy?" Opal stopped pulling away and stared at her informant. For goodness sake, this Sue worked fast! Usually there wouldn't be development this early into the story.

Happy that his victim was finally giving him her full attention, the snogger continued. "Well, you know how hard he is to please, but he seems to really like her! I mean, who doesn't, but well, I know that he spent all last Hogsmeade weekend trying to get her to go out with him! And all the gifts he bought her, I bet he emptied half his Gringotts vault!"

Opal walked away without a word. If this Sue got her way, there would be hell to pay.

Peering around the doors to the Great Hall, Opal sighed. She had finally found it, after walking in circles. But the sight she saw did not alleviate any feelings.

Draco Malfoy was sitting at the Gryffindor table.

Let's repeat that: Draco Malfoy was sitting at the Gryffindor table.

Did you catch that? Are you freaking out? Did you just understand what you've just read? And of course, next to him were the one and only Robina, chestnut glory and all. She was smiling softly, all the time emitting an aura of beauty. Draco seemed transfixed, and he probably was. Opal didn't want to try to confront the Sue upfront, though, they could turn quite nasty. And this one was extremely popular to have Draco already pining for her.

So she would bid her time. Strong Sues could usually sense authors, especially rational ones with a mind to destroy them. But she knew Malfoy Sue stories. There was one more person at stake. Opal's eyes fell on one Harry Potter.

It always happened. Love triangles. Harry-Draco-insert Sue here. Opal waited until The Golden Trio finished there breakfast and exited the hall.

As they started walking to, presumably the House Tower, Opal caught up and started walking alongside them. She lowered her voice. No one should over hear this.

"Listen to me and don't make a sound." she hissed. Hermione and Ron looked absolutely terrified, but Harry seemed to keep his cool.

"Ok. What are you, an author?"

Opal was surprised. "Not many main characters can sense authors in their own fandoms. But yes. I'm 13opals, call me Opal."

The brains of the Trio immediately started talking.

"Are you one of those ridiculous Dramione writers? Because we will never, ever, even think about something that stupid."

"No, it's alright, I don't write that stuff. But just so you know, Dramione is a laugh to read, and everyone loves a good forbidden love story-not the point! Listen, all of you, especially you," she directed her gaze at Harry," are in grave danger. We have a Mary-Sue on the loose."

Harry groaned. "Not another one. I just had one last week. God, it was madness. Ginny _still_won't look at me."

"This one's a Malfoy lover."

Harry seemed to relax, so Opal quickly pressed on. "But for you that means nothing. Mary Sue writers usually like a love triangle…and, well, look at you. Are you telling me you haven't started to fall in love with the new girl?"

Hermione answered again."Well, we are main characters. It takes longer for us to notice them, but once we do, we fall in love."

Opal nodded. "That explains why I saw Filch proclaiming his undying love for Madame Pince. OOC-ness. "

Ron smirked. "I don't think that was out of character…"

"Oh, wait till I tell the other authors, they'll have a field day."

"Come on, guys" Harry said. "We need to eradicate her quickly-"

At this point a very loud slap came from just outside the Great Hall. The trio and Opal ran to see what was going on.

A tearful Robina Sunshine Rainbow Hartnell stood dramatically by the Hall.

"Oh, Draco!" she cried in her perfect sing-song voice. "I thought…I thought that if I said I would go to Hogsmeade with you, you'd stop hanging around that Parkinson girl! How can I trust you! You-you played around with-"

The Sue stopped suddenly and clenched her throat. Opal suddenly realized her mistake. Robina , ever the drama queen, slowly turned to her.

"Author."


	3. And so her past caught up with her

**AN:****Hello****again!****If****someone****'****s****reading****this,****thanks****for****actually****sticking****with****the****story.**

**JLPE: Was it Diablo? Ah, I don't remember. That fic was absolute gold, it was hilarious. Yeah, I think it was a troll. Thanks for the mistake, I'll fix it.**

"Author."

Opal blanched. So she could sense authors. But, time to put on a brave front.

"Yeah, alright." She said. "I'm an author. What's it to you?" It was best, she decided, to pretend she wasn't hostile.

"Don't patronize me, girl. I would know Sapphire21 anywhere."

Opal bit her lip. And down the drain went her advantage. Sapphire21 was an old pen name, one who didn't care about Mary Sues, and used them frequently. It was one pen name for a group, Opal's old friends. After looking back at the monstrosities that they had created, the account was deleted and Opal joined the League.

"I hear you go by 13opals, now."

"Yes. I do." She had never collaborated much in Sapphire21. She had created only one character, Bellatrix Nox. It was strange that this Sue could remember her. Though she was the first to recognize how terribly they wrote, and the first to try to put a stop to it, Opal was technical support, the editor, for that group.

Robina shook her head. "Melody Song and Dawn Messenger were good friends of mine. And you destroyed them! And along with your own character?"

"They were committing more harm than good. In fact, no good at all, and the flames we got…"

The Sue smiled for the first time. "If you think you can simply flame me to death your wrong. I'm strong, stronger that any of your weak characters."

"Weak? My characters, weak?" she exploded. "Fine then, Sue, or what ever your name is in here, it's bound to be rubbish-"

"Robina is a perfectly good name! "

"-this means war. I could have spared you. We do have holding cells for Sues, the Hiatus Cells, but I don't care. I won't stop until you've been destroyed."

Robina could only do one thing. She swished her hair, turned and pranced away. After getting the mother of dirty looks from Draco, Opal turned to the Trio. They began to direct her to Gryffindor Tower.

"Are you sure about this? Technically, I am a muggle, the muggle repelling charms should be taking affect soon. If I actually go into the Tower, who knows what could happen."

"No, it's all right." Hermione said. "Well, you are an author; you should have some ground in the fandom. I think it'll be good. You made it into Hogwarts alright."

"Anyways, you've got to stay somewhere while we figure out how to destroy Robina." Ron said.

"But guys, listen." Harry started. "What harm is she doing, really? I mean, Robina isn't even after me. And Malfoy would probably benefit from her guidance…"He trailed off to astonished silence.

"Mate, do you hear yourself?"

"Oh god, Harry, did you just…?"

Opal was willing herself to stay calm. So this was the Sue's power. She must be rushing, now that she knew an author was in the story. In a few other stories, there was one way to get rid of OOC-ness, but it varied.

Harry Potter. Something super emotional to him would usually snap them out of it, but you had to really know the person. So, for Harry, what would happen? Parents, he was sensitive when it came to parents, which might work. Shooting a green light at him? Surely Bloody, back in tech support could do that. After thinking about it, Opal decided against it. Harry was very temperamental in the fandom. She would go with the general cure.

"Seriously-hey. Hey! What are you doing?" For Opal had grabbed him by the tie and started dragging him to a girl's bathroom she had passed earlier.

"Opal! I'm not supposed to be in here, this is the girl's-bleageah!"

For Opal had shoved his head down the nearest toilet.

"Sorry, Harry, this is for your own good." She said grimly.

And sure enough, a soaking wet Harry Potter, having returned to his senses, was being dried off by his friends a few minutes later.

"Sorry, guys." He said sheepishly. "It was the Sue, you know that."

They nodded. Opal got up.

"Have to make my report to control." She explained, and walked a little bit away. They had retreated to the common room; something Opal had been wary about because of Robina's evident Sorting into the house. As the Sue had not made an appearance, Opal guessed that she was just as wary of the author as the author was of her.

"Control." She murmured into her communicator, which had gone unused, the entire story and decided to make an appearance.

"Bloody! Oh, for goodness sake….Yes! Yes, I'm here. What is that supposed to mean? Wasting time? Oh please, like the flames would work…of course I know…well, she told me that she was too strong…oh, fine. But if they don't work…right now? No! I know, the fandom is suffering, but I've made Harry aware, that's good! No. Absolutely no Hiatus Cell for this one, she deserves to die. Okay, I'll make it quick. Oh shut up. I don't care what your name is, I'm calling you Bloody." She hung up.

"How's it going?" called Hermione.

"It's alright, but now, for a plan of action."

**AN:****Ok,****I****know,****nothing****really****happened,****but****you****learn****about****Opal****in****question.****And****yeah,****it****is****pretty****true.****I****wrote****awful****fanfics****with****Bella****Nox****as****my****character.****Don****'****t****judge****me.****Thanks****again****to****my****reviewers,****I****love****you.**


	4. And so the Sue understands

**AN:****Hello, ****everyone!****Thanks ****for ****reviewing, ****and ****everything. ****This ****chapter ****is ****a ****bit ****strange. ****Oh, ****and ****I ****will ****definitely ****get ****a ****new ****chapter ****in ****by ****this ****time ****next ****week ,****probably ****sooner.**

**tinyrose65: Thanks. For everything. I threw in a DW reference, it's pretty obvious. But, yeah, Sues suck. And ha, your goldfish is now awesome. **

**Darke Wispers: Don't worry. I will. **

"So this," Opal started." Is what we are going to do."

She was wearing her brainy specs, the glasses that she said helped, but just made her look clever.(Opal had been watching too much British television.) In front of her was a diagram drawn on a chalkboard in one of the spare classrooms. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were all watching her apprehensively. In the past few days, they had gotten to know Opal. Well, they knew she was completely mad, in a good way. So whatever this master plan was, it was going to involve something they didn't agree with.

"Our key point right here is that is story is about Draco Malfoy falling in love. We can totally use that." Opal turned to the board and drew a stick figure with DRACO scribbled across the head. "You see, all we need to do is stop the Sue from getting her way. It's going to be difficult. I know that. This one's strong."

Ron put up a hand. "I don't get it. The Sue has magical falling in love powers, remember?"

"Well, lucky for you, I'm an author. I'll deal with her power. But never mind that, we have another problem. This story is only going to be read by other Sue lovers. Obviously, we need Draco to do something that they would somewhat approve of. I've spent a lot of time reading these stories. I know what they want." Opal grinned. "That's where you come in."

Both Hermione and Harry stood up, and tried to run. Opal laughed as they hit their own protective enchantments. Hermione didn't want anyone listening in.

"Oh, it won't be that bad."

Harry looked pale. "Y-you wouldn't." He stammered. "You can't….I've seen some of those fics...please don't."

Opal seemed to regard him for a long time before shaking her head. "No, I won't. Drarry kinda creeps me out." She turned to Hermione.

"I won't!" she exclaimed.

Opal looked at the other two. They could convince her.

"Come on, Hermione, you know how much trouble Sues are."

"I'm not okay with this either, Hermione. But we've got to. And, sorry, but I'd rather it be you…"

Opal left Hermione on the floor, with her friends gently talking to her. It was time to scope out the school. This had become her pastime for her time at Hogwarts. Opal would look for someone being out of character, and then proceed with the cure.

It was a slow day, only two people shouting undying love. But something creeped Opal out, and that was Robina. It had been a few days, and they hadn't run into each other once. She had even caught Draco alone. Robina was a Gryffindor, so why wasn't she in the common room? She had thought it was because the Sue was frightened of her, but that couldn't be the case. Sue's didn't stay frightened for very long. But now she was coming to a new conclusion. Where ever Opal went, she had taken the Golden Trio with her. This was for their own protection, of course. In case of them falling for Robina again, Opal wanted to be right there.

But that didn't make much sense. Was Robina actually afraid of the Trio? Main characters, no, self aware main characters could be quite a danger to a Sue. Was the Sue trying to catch her on her own? That fits in. What could the Trio do to kill her though? Was Robina still relying on the slim chance that Harry might be caught up in her scheme? She can't be that stupid.

Unless Harry would naturally love her, without Sue powers. Boom, a forbidden love, right there. But Robina's main purpose is Draco. And come on, this is a Sue story; Draco falling for Hermione is totally possible. Does Robina know this? Is that why she skipped to Harry?

Shaking her head, Opal decided to go back to the Trio. She wasn't letting them out of her sight.

Robina Sunshine Rainbow Hartnell sat by the fire of the Gryffindor common room. The author was out today, she was safe. Safe wasn't quite the word though, not with her here.

Why don't people like her? Why the constant flames? Her own author's grammar was impeccable! And she wasn't perfect. She had her faults. Okay, so she was a bit dramatic sometimes. Yes, Robina's got freckles. Her author deliberately made her this way. Poor author, already the reciver of so many flames for so many other stories.

And why Sapphire21? Robina had genuinely liked those stories. Even Bellatrix, the dark, violent girl with a gift for fighting and unwavering loyalty. She had been charming, even as a side character. It hurt so much to be hunted down by one of your respected peers!

13opals. Robina had done some research. She wasn't very good with stories, she hadn't written that many. But the girl was a brilliant Beta. She was extremely respected in the damn League. And as a field agent she hadn't gotten many stories, but she succeeded with every one.

To tell the truth, she hadn't meant for there to be so much OOC. But anything to keep Opal busy. Was the author avoiding her? Cause if she was, well then. They were at an impasse.

Robina got up and began to make her way to the Slytherin common room. She needed Draco right now, though the Sue knew that she had been programmed to love him, she couldn't help it.

However, as she turned the corner, Robina ran into someone. Hard. The girl now sprawled on the floor grumbled something of an apology, and tried to get up. Robina was frozen in place. Who better to run into than your tormentor?

Opal's eyes widened. She had just run into a Sue on her way to the common room. Alone. Totally ready to fight her way out, Opal was surprised to see an equally terrified Robina on the floor. Was she trying to avoid her as well? The Sue scrambled up, looked hard at her, and then turned away.

"I just wanted to be with Draco." She hissed. "It's not my fault."

This statement confused Opal way too much. "Wait, what?" she exclaimed. "You understand what sort of a story you've been creating? If so, then why fight? Surely it's better to die the-"

"I don't suppose Bella wanted to go in the end," interrupted the Sue.

So that's what this was about.

"Oh. You don't like what happened to Melody and the rest."

"But _Bella_! She was a great character; she refused to be one of us, anyway! How could you just kill her? I loved her, and Dawn, and Ree, and Melody. They weren't all that bad!"

"Yeah. Bellatrix was a beautiful character, full of fight, but don't you see? The story had to go. All of it."

When Robina still refused to look at her, Opal pressed on.

"And that sucks! I understand that! But that's why, can't you understand? That is why authors have such a hard time. We control our worlds."

"Like God." Robina spat.

Opal looked down. "So, what are you going to do?"

"Me? ME! How disrespectful! I'm a Mary Sue, my name is Robina Sunshine Rainbow Hartnell, I have bad grammar, and you're asking me what to do? I'll eradicate you from MY story."

And she flounced off.

**AN: Well, I started feeling bad for Robina. So I made her more human. She's like a droid, programmed to do whatever. Hope you liked it! Until next time.**


	5. And so the Sue got violent

"Glad we got that straight." Opal grumbled, watching Robina walk away. Had she honestly been trying to feel sorry for her? Really? How stupid could a person get?

"Control," she said, getting out the communicator. "Did you get that?"

Bloody's fuzzy voice could be heard.

"Loud and clear, Opal. How's Hermione?"

"Don't know yet, I'm just to see her. But what did you think about that? Can Sues be, well, self aware?"

"I'm still a newbie, sir. Don't ask me."

"What did I say about the 'sir'? And listen, I need to talk to someone more experienced than I am. Can you request assistance? That would be very welcome."

"Um, yeah, wait for a bit." After about a minute of silence, a new voice came on. This one was male, a cultured voice.

"Opal, what's the problem? You never need assistance." Opal grinned. The speaker was Commander Cobs, their leader and a personal friend of hers.

"Have Bloody play you back the conversation I had with the Sue."

Silence. Then a sharp intake of breath as Cobs listened.

"Okay, Opal, I've run into this problem before. You're thinking of the Sue as a proper character. Plenty of agents have done this before."

"Well, technically, she was created in order to satisfy an author. So she is a character."

"You can't think like that, Opal."

"Why not?"

"Be-because Sues are the epitome of evil mixed with bad grammar. You used to be a Sue writer. Think for a bit."

Opal did. She tried, really. "Okay. Fine, you guys win-"

BOOM

Opal turned towards the sound and started running. "Cobs, got to go, I'll see you. Tell Bloody to get the flames waiting."

She turns through the far too complex halls of Hogwarts.

"Come on, come on! Just once, can I get there on time!"

As if answering her, a wall turned to a door and immediately Opal ran through. Having no idea where she was going, Opal had no idea she was going in completely the wrong direction.

While she ran through Hogwarts, Robina swished through the Gryffindor common room. She had just tried using Muggle Technology at Hogwarts. That's what caused the explosion. Why could the author still use her communicator? It wasn't fair.

She was covered with soot, something that was really causing a depression in the reviews. Her power was weakening.

The Golden Trio were sitting by the fire, in squashy armchairs. They all glared at her, especially the girl. Why Hermione was out to get her, she had no idea. But now was time to make Robina's move.

She crossed over to them.

"Hey."

All of her Sue powers were concentrated on that attack. Only Ron was a bit affected. But the rest just increased glaring powers. Ron snapped out of it in a bit. Harry Potter was the main character, maybe he was a bit resistant. Why Hermione though?

Whatever. Didn't matter.

"Listen, I don't what Opal told you, but I'm not all that bad." She sat down next to Hermione, who sniffed and moved to the edge of her seat.

"I'm nice, I can study, I'm pretty, I don't get it, why do people hate me?"

Harry, the most tolerant(besides Hermione, but she's angry cause of Draco), sighed. "That's why. You're perfect. And you ruin good stories."

Robina turned to the readers. "Well? Am I ruining this one?"

Harry shook her head. "They won't answer.(But if they want to...reviews!)."

Hermione said, "Listen, who's your author?"

She shook her head."Can't tell that, you've got known affiliations with an author."

Opal finally came tearing through the portrait hole. "What are you doing here?"

Robina rolled her eyes. "This is my common room, remember?"

"Whatever." opal turned. 'I need to talk to you guys."

"hey, hold it." she snapped. "I wasn't done." Robina grabbed Opal's arm. "We were talking!" Manicured nails dug into her arm. This was the wrong thig to do to a girl like Opal. Opal relied greatly on her reflexes. So of course, a muscle memory from a fifth grade karate class showed up.

"SELF DEFENSE." she yelled, stiffening.

"GET BACK."

"PALM PALM PUSH."

"STAY AWAY."

By this time Robina was on the floor.

"Owww."

Opal seemed to come back to her senses, so she took one look at the Sue and ran. There were Robina supporters in Gryiffindor as well.

Things were getting dangerous.


	6. And so another problem arises

**AN: Want to apologize for last chapter. I've been exhausted. Anyway, here you go! I threw in another plot element. Hope you guys didn't see it coming...**

**Disclaimer: Does J.K Rowling write fanfiction? Of course she does. Guess what guys! You've been reading stuff from the great mind herself!**

**Yeah. kidding. Also, I'm fortunate not to own My Immortal.**

Opal dragged the Trio away from the still bristling Sue. Once a safe distance away, she turned angrily to them.

"What was that? I keep telling you, no talking to the Sue!"

"Yeah, we tried!" Hermione said. "She just walked up to us."

A strangely dreamy look came over Hermione's face. "Hey, are you going tomorrow?"

Opal looked at her. "Sorry, what? What's tomorrow?"

All three stared. Hermione giggled. Opal neatly filed this OOC-ness away for later, wondering if it in fact, was OOC-ness. Hermione was known to sometimes giggle like that, but only when she was mad. No, Opal decided, it wasn't natural.

"Halloween Ball."

Opal's mouth dropped open. "Your kidding. Why is there a Halloween ball? There's never a ball!"

Ron shrugged. "Well, there's one tomorrow."

"But it's November!"

Opal's protests seemed to have no effect on the addled Trio. She figured it was Robina's doing. The author must really love things frilly and whatever. A ball would be perfect time to advertise that. A sudden frightening thought came to Opal.

"No." She whispered quietly. Harry heard her and raised his eyebrows. She waved him off and reached for the communicator.

"Bloody! Where-no, I'm looking for Bloody. Oh your kidding, fine, xxBloodyHellxx. Where is she? On leave! Leave? I've been working for much longer, and I've never gotten a vacation. Oh, it was just about my mission. Sorry? Oh. No, I want you to check the Robina-Sue case, okay? Just see the clothing descriptions. Really. Check. Is there the long detailed clothing descriptions? Oh no, there is, isn't there. Thank you. Sorry, what was your name? Oh, hey. Okay, I'll see you later."

"Bad news, guys. The authors is one of the clothes abusers. That's what tomorrow is going to be about."

Ron looked disgusted. "Oh, god. I bloody hate those."

Harry shrugged. "The story's got Malfoy, what do you expect."

"No." this came from Hermione. She was looking at Opal.

"Sorry?"

"Don't insult my intelligence, Opal. This ball is the perfect chance to...stop the Sue. Using me. And I know that you've thought of that, genius author like you, always finding plot-holes. So the answer is no."

Opal looked slightly surprised, and very sheepish. "Ah, well, Hermione-"

"Don't even think you can talk me into it!"

"No, Hermione, but that really is a good plan."

"Well of course it is! It's yours!"

"No, it's not. That wasn't what I was going to do at all, I was just concerned with getting through the night. But if you insist..."

"Noooo!" Opal dragged a screaming Hermione back to the common room.

"You know," Opal started, in the process of straightening Hermione's hair(with difficulty). ", why do you not like Dramione?"

"It's just absurd!" She sputtered. "As if _Draco_ and I would ever...you're an author, you know how I feel about Ron..."

"Yeah." Said a skeptic Opal. "So does he. And the rest of the Fandom. _The Fandom._ This is the entire compiled works of fanfiction for Harry Potter. Ever. I personally think that Dtramione isn't that far-fetched."

The two girls shared a long look. Eventually, Opal returned to the problem of her weapon's hair.

"What was the potion you used in fourth year?"

"Um, not sure. Sleakezy's, I think."

"Got any more?"

"No."

"Brilliant."

Meanwhile, Harry and Ron were outside the common room, looking out an ornate window at the grounds.

"Ron, is it just me, or-"

"Not just you, mate. I see it too."

"But that's impossible!"

It was snowing.

It was raining.

_At the same time._

Ron looked around frantically. "Harry, we've only been in one other fic that does this."

"Ron Weasley, don't you dare mention that name-"

There was no sun. Hogwarts students wandering seemed to have lost their uniforms.

"NO! Ron, it is! What are we going to do?"

"We've got to find Opal."

The two ran into the common room, where the impossible girl's staircase loomed.

The boys looked at each other. At the same time, they raised their wands, and yelled out the same spell.

_ "Accio Broom!"_

"-and so, I think the Muggle system is better, I mean, look at the economy of the Nigerian government!"

Opal was bored out of her mind. Hermione was prattling on about something. Honestly, if I had wanted to discuss economy, or whatever, she would go to school. Not go to the effing Wizarding World.

So Opal was about to shoot herself when the door burst open and Harry and Ron came in.

Anything to stop...talking!

"Look out the window!" Harry yelled. Opal tore across the room to the closed drapes. She ripped them open, and stared.

"It's snowing. And raining. What the hell's going on?'

"Look at the uniforms! or rather, the lack of uniforms."

Opal's face grew pale. "It can't be."

Hermione, who was next to her at this point, asked Opal what was going on.

"Two. Two of them. Two Mary-sue Fanfictions colliding. Oh, no,no,no,no!"

Hermione processed this for a bit, before staring at the terrified author.

"What other story?"

Opal gave a dry laugh."What do you think?"

"The worst fanfiction on earth."

A group of girls wearing skimpy black clothes walked directly under the window. _Vampires?_

Another group of girls laughed at them, pointing and giggling. The girl in th middle of the 'goth' group shot them the bird. She had black hair-

"No!" Opal cried out. 'Anything-anything but this.."

The Trio looked gravely out at the grounds. Full understanding had finally hit them. Not only were they dealing, they were dealing with something huge, something more powerful than ever before.

Opal gave one last strangled cry before tearing off to find her communicator.

_"My Immortal!"_

**Anyone see it coming? If so, tell me through the rather small button below! I live off reviews, remember!**_  
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	7. And so a plan is made

**AN: I'm really surprised that the story has gotten this far. Seven chapters already! I want to thank TheGirlWhoPunchedDracoMalfoy, and InvaderVyn. Lovely reviews. And to those who read this; please, listen up. Watch Doctor Who during the summer. Otherwise, you will find that homework has gone further back on priorities. This goes for Torchwood and SJA as well. You will spend hours watching, it's that good.**

**Disclamer: Now, if I owned Harry Potter, would I really write fanfiction about fanfiction?**

Opal closed her eyes and massaged her temples. They were in the Room of Requirement, the only safe place from OOC-ness. Surrounding her were a few key members of the main HP cast. The Golden Trio, of course. They barely left her sight these days. Luna Lovegood was also there, being one of the characters Mary Sues tend to overlook. A few from Harry's dormitory, Dean, Neville, and Seamus were present, as key members of the D.A.

The Patil twins stood guard at the double door, flanked by a few Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. A single Slytherin, Blaise Zabini was standing awkwardly in a corner.

Opal opened her eyes, exhausted. The first thing she could do was show these people what they were up against. The she could call for backup. Two stories was a bit much for her, and when dealing with Enoby, impossible. Opal gestured towards the group and told them to come forward.

"I want to show you guys exactly what this fanfiction has done to this fandom." She said gravely. Control had managed to send Opal's laptop along with several weapons before the second crisis. She had pulled up a repost of the dreaded story and turned it towards them. Characters, such as the Trio, that were already in the story already know what was going on, every time it was read. Whenever a fanfiction was read, the characters in the fandom felt the story progressing. They all stepped back and moved to a corner with Zabini.

"Don't you want to read?" Opal asked.

He sneered. " Draco told me about this one, back when he was still sane. I don't want anyone getting ideas, alright? I'm here to free my house from Robina. That girl is a Muggle-born, a mudblood in Sytherin! It opened my eyes. I won't have her here."

Opal nodded. "Alright, sure, I won't say anything about you helping us. But you have to admit-it is rather noble."

Zabini spat in disgust.

"And," continued the author." Don't use that word."

Screams were heard from the far side of the room. Opal looked sadly at the students. "Yeah, I remember my first time." she said.

Hermione looked at Opal. "Can't they take a break?" she asked. "It's not an easy thing to relive, either."

"I'm sorry, Hermione, but we've got to get this done. While they read, why don't we think of a strategy?"

She looked a bit bitter. "Okay, but I don't know how well Bloody Mary' is going to think."

"Try to keep her out, yeah? Same with you guys, Harry especially. We don't want you running off in love with her either."

Ron nodded, looking cheerful at the fact that he was a minor character.

"Got you, mate. You run, I'll hold you back."

Harry scowled.

"What about Draco? He's reliving this too." Zabini said. "Should we go get him?"

Opal shook her head. 'Too risky. We can't let Robina get a single whisper of this. She might affect the Room if she knew about it. I'm not sure how powerful she is."

He nodded. "Well? Plan of action?"

Opal smiled at Hermione."We will have to abandon the earlier plan. So your off the hook." Hermione smiled back.

Opal suddenly took on a more serious note. "I'm not sure how we can trap both Sues though, not at the same time, and that's the only way to do it. I don't know what the others will say, back in Control either."

Hermione started to talk. "Well, what about this Halloween Ball? Could we use it anyway? It's tonight, we have got a bit of time to lay traps. You said that Control had sent some weapons ahead, what were they?"

Opal dumped out a bag on to the floor. The group hunched over them.

"...what is that?"

The author grinned. "This, dear friends, are the best part of being an author."

. . .

. . .

Robina made her way across the snow to the tall goth girl.

"Ebony." She said curtly, extending a hand.

Ebony sneered at it. "whatever. your robina?"

Robina had always know about the grmmar in My Immortal, but for it to actually make an impact while speaking-!

"Yes, I am. I am surprised you answered my summons so quickly."

"well, there was like, nothing for me to due, like no one requests us anymor. we were taken down by the goddamnm fanfiction crew."

"Okay. Well, the one I told you about, her name is 13opals. And she used to be part of Sapphire21, so we do have a bit of dirt on her."

Ebony's face lit up depressingly. "OMFG, i love them!"

"She disbanded them."

The smile shrank.

"So, we are going to get rid of her. Let my story continue. Got it?" Robina didn't care what Ebony really thought. She respected her as a Sue, but quite frankly, this was_ her_ story. Once Opal had been dealt with, Robina was sending Enoby straight back.

There was one problem.

Draco Malfoy was both of their love interests.

This wasn't going to turn out well.

. . .

. . .

"Everyone in positions?" Opal whispered. Answers came out through the enchanted Galleon Hermione had recharmed. Now voices could be picked up like radio signals, and they could be heard.

Noises of assent came through the coin.

"Good. No, I want a nice lean mission, got that?"

The same noises.

"Brilliant. Let's go!"

Opal tore out from behind the doors of the Great Hall. His was her assigned area, and she was ready to lay traps for the upcoming ball.

As she ran, Opal removed several canisters from her belt. She placed them in strategic places around the Hall, and then aligned their frequencies with a small remote in her hand. If she pressed the button, they would go off.

The entire operation took about twenty minutes, thats how many canisters were there.

"How are we doing?" She murmured into the coin.

"Just about done."

"Finished as well, Captain."

"I don't understand why this will work, I mean-"

"Shut up, Zabini. Really, I don't care. It's going to work." Opal hissed. "Meet back in the room, that goes for all of you."

There was silence. Opal stared at the coin.

"Um...guys? You there?"

"Well..." Opal recognized Parvati's voice. "There is a ball tonight, and well, the girls think that we should, you know-"

"Alright, I get it." she sighed. "Go ahead. But I want everyone who couldn't care or is a boy in the room, now!"

Unanimous groans were heard from the coin.

. . .

. . .

Opal stared at the ceiling of the Room of Requirement in frustration.

"Why is there no one here!"

. . .

. . .

Ebony made her way down the staircase leading to the Great Hall. She really couldn't wait.

. . .

. . .

Robina checked her robes over and over again. She really needed to look perfect for Draco. He was going with her, but putting Enoby in the picture was proving to have more problems than originally anticipated.

It was nearly time for the ball. She supposed she should really check for traps in the Hall, but her problems were too big to worry about a second rate author. What to do...

Draco knocked on the door of he dormitory. Yes, of course she was sure it was him, it was her story.

"Come in."

Draco complied. 'Hey, I just-wow, you look fantastic."

Robina smiled. 'Thanks."

"Well, I just wanted to ask you, who is the new girl? And The others? They just kinda appeared in the common room, do you know them?"

Robina's smile faded. She couldn't let Draco become aware of the crossing stories. 'Just transfers." she said sweetly. "Why don't you get changed?"

As he left, he Sue collapsed on top of her bed, exhausted.

AN: Hi again! Hope you liked this one, it is kinda fun writing Ebony/Enoby/Tara. So, pretending this was an actual part of the plot, who do you think is better? Robina or Ebony? Answer below! That lovely blue button, just click on it...

PLEASE REVIEW.


	8. And so Opal really pisses off a few Sues

Has anyone ever seen the Yule Ball?

Of course, everyone from the Triwizard Tournament has, but really. The process of setting up the Great Hall, has anyone seen it?

No?

We can give the credit entirely to the staff, in about a half hour, the decorations are complete. But the process-the process was incredible.

Imagine; a million Christmas wreaths floating through the air, all in different directions. Twelve massive trees suspended a foot above the ground as tinsel and real, live golden owls perched on to them. Fairies, little balls of twinkling light flew every which way. And if you listened close enough, you could hear them sing. It was the same for Halloween. Live bats fluttered through the newly placed pumpkins. The Hogwarts staff had slightly holographic pictures of trolls, and the ghost were practicing a formation gliding routine that they would perform.

As a Muggle author, Opal was stunned. She was watching the set up process, just to make sure the canisters stayed where they were placed. So far, the Hogwarts staff was doing a brilliant job. The Secrecy Charms that Hermione had placed on them seemed to be working completely.

She raised the Galleon to her mouth, and whispered inside. "Everything's going good."

"Same here."

"Yeah."

"Look, our dress robes take time to put on too, I mean. Why did you only let the girls off?"

"Shut up Zabini," Opal said. "I know how how difficult witch's dress robes are. No complaining. Are you good?"

"Yes, fine."

"Good. Then I'll let you guys off, go get ready."

Opal walked alone through Hogwarts. Everyone was either getting a last minute date or getting ready for the ball.

Why was there a ball anyway? Opal couldn't stand stories that did that. Honestly. It was_ November_. But whatever. People would do what they liked.

Opal stopped. She loved silence. So why were there people interrupting that? A group of teenage girls rounded the corner.

Why were they there? This group should be preparing for the ball. Teenage girls, giggling, these people fit the 'I need three hours to get ready' stereotype.

Then it hit her.

It was Robina. Robina must have known that Opal was patrolling, so she sent out_ her._

Ebony Dementia Darkness Way stood smiling at the center.

Should Opal run? It wouldn't achieve much, she might as well pretend she was a character for a bit. That is, if Ebony couldn't sense authors, and she probably could...

Ebony looked down at Opal.

"So I hear your the author."

Opal winced. Never mind.

"Well," the Sue continued, examining her perfectly black fingernails. ",it seems to me, that your trying to shut this place down. But, too bad for you, I like this story. And really, that's all that matters."

The author frowned. Why was she speaking properly? There were mistakes, but not as many as normal. Had Robina's author gently corrected her? Well, it was her story.

"Well." Opal started. "It seems to me that nobody really cares about what you think anymore. We only read your story to_ laugh_ at you."

She reached down to her pocket._ Come on, come on,_ Opal prayed._ Let me please have that last canister..._

She did. Pulling out the canister as quickly as she could, Opal deployed it, yelling "Sue number 7- Ebony Darkness Dementia Way-My Immortal!"

Green smoke poured out of the tiny casing. The smoke whirled around the Sue, forming words.

**Your story kinda sucks**

**Learn how to spell, moron!**

**This is so funny. I think this is the best troll yet.**

The words from the Flame Canister kept swirling around Enoby. It wouldn't keep her down for long, though. Opal, aware of this, tore down to the Gryffindor common room, hoping she wouldn't be pursued.

. . .

. . .

Robina hissed with disappointment. So she escaped. A slightly tearful Ebony sat before her, swearing revenge.

"Oh,I'll get her, the *bleep* prep!" (AN: This story is K rated. So it's difficult writing her parts. I shall compensate with a *bleep*. And they are kinda fun to type out. :)

"It's not fair." Robina whispered slightly. Don't whine, don't whine, don't-

"WHY DOES SHE ALWAYS ESCAPE?" Robina screamed, leaping from her seat. Ebony, shocked into silence, looked at her.

"No need to shout." she said.

Eyes burning, Robina sat down. "Ebony."

"Yes."

"You better get ready. The ball is in an hour."

With that she stomped out of the room. Heads were going to roll.

. . .

. . .

Draco Malfoy. He wasn't aware of what the Sue had done to him, but certain things kept bleeding through.

She was a_ mudblood. _How could he care about her? It made no sense.

Well, his love-addled brain could only think of one response. Love didn't make sense.

But-but this was like falling in love with Granger! Only, Robina was pretty. Was he really that shallow? Draco had never even intended to marry Parkinson, but family ties, that was important. But Robina. A mudblo-no, muggle born. She had been try ing to get rid of that habit.

No, no, no, no! This was wrong, in so many levels. The pureblood status must be maintained-

"Hey Draco."

He looked up. A pretty girl in black and pink dress robes stood before him.

"Er, hello." He wasn't used to being addressed by complete strangers, and with such a familiar tone! His superior upbringing showed through, and Draco's lip curled.

"My name is Ebony."

"Look, it's nice to meet you, but I really need to be somewhere, my date-"

"What, Robina?" Ebony laughed. "Robina's your date?"

Draco was perplexed. "Well-yes, she is. What's wrong with that?"

"Well, I never thought you would go for that sort of girl. She's a bit, you know,goody-goody. And a know it all."

Draco frowned.

"And she's a Gryffindor."

Was the mystery girl right? Was Robina-

"HOLD IT."

Everyone in the Hall turned around to see a girl(the author, Draco recognized her) standing dramatically by the doors. She raised a hand to point at Ebony.

"Now, someone in this room escaped the Hiatus cells. It's time to recover her."

Opal launched herself with frightening speed towards the Sue.

AN: A sort of cliffhanger, then? Honestly, please don't kill me! er, going on vacation this week, it might be a bit difficult to update, but I'll give an extra long one, okay? Thanks to InvaderVyn again, and sorry, but I just couldn't keep writing Ebony like that.


	9. And so the problem might be resolved?

**AN: I feel like this is a pretty short chapter, but I'll give a very long one next time, that's a promise. Surprised I could update at all, on vacation. Anyway, thanks to InvaderVyn again!**

Opal launched herself at the Sue with frightening speed. A shadow seemed to block her, and the author was thrown off balance. Stumbling, she twisted to see an angry Robina standing by Ebony.

Opal caught herself again, narrowing her eyes. A few key things were different when it came to the first sue; her normally perfect hair had a few stray hairs, and her face was twisted up and rather red.

The author grinned. "Not looking so well, are you?" she called. Hopefully, the changes in the appearance meant she was getting weaker.

Robina let out a deranged scream before lunging at Opal. That she wasn't prepared for. Sues didn't like getting their hands dirty, and never actually fought. But, being a Sue, Robina was a master of several martial arts.

The furious fight that took place caused Opal to drop her remote. The remote that deployed the Flame Caninsters.

"Nooo!" she yelled, before getting punched in the face. Opal responded by kicking her attacker furiously in the stomach.

The remote, however, skidded across the Great Hall, landing before a very important member of the DA.

Now in a headlock, Opal yelled out. "Use...the ...* choking sounds *...PRESS THE BUTTON!"

The mildly confused member plucked up the remote, and turned it over.

By now, most of the hall was rooting for one of the girls fighting. Everyone on Opal's side screamed at her too.

"Come on, use it!"

"You can do this!"

However, this was met with yells from the Robina side.

"Don't you dare!"

"You freak, don't think you'll get away with this!"

Harry Potter, with a long experience concerning the girl who held the remote, knew what to say.

He took a deep breath. "CRUMPLE HORNED SNORKACKS AREN'T REAL!"

Luna Lovegood's eyes flashed dangerously. "WHO SAID THAT?" And she pressed down on the button.

BOOM

Green mist flew everywhere. It targeted the Sues, and flew down fast to surround them. Robina screamed and let go of Opal. She rolled away.

Opal surveyed the room. "Dumbledore's Army!" she shouted "Assemble!"

The allies stepped out of the crowd and, wands out, shot activation spells towards the respective areas. As Robina ran out of the Hall, she couldn't go more then five steps without getting blasted again.

Ebony stayed, however, trying to bat away the words. She had it much worse that the other Sue.

Draco stood at a loss of what to do. Zabini put an arm around his shoulders, and steered him to the rest of the DA.

_"Aguamenti!"_ he said, pouring water on Draco's head.

A sputtering boy emerged from the water. Opal stared at him before shaking her head.

"Nope." she said. "Still OOC."

Zabini pulled him towards the nearest bathroom, sighing all the way.

Opal now turned to Hermione. "Will you do the honor?"

She smiled, then pointed her wand at Ebony. Ropes unfurled from the wand tip and bound the Sue tightly.

"Sue proof." she said proudly.

Opal grinned as well, then pulled out the communicator.

"Oi, Bloody. Nice vacation? Anyway, check the Hiatus cells. I'm guessing someone's gone missing."

Silence, then a lot of cursing. My Immortal had highest security how could they-

"It's alright, I've got her." Opal said cheerfully. "Robina's weakened too. Give me a bit, and I swear I'll get her."

Ebony, still bound and gagged, gasped as a blue light surrounded her, then teleported her back to her cell.

"Well, that's taken care of."

Harry had said. He was smiling. "Thanks, Opal."

Her eyes widened. "Oh. no, no thanks yet. I'm still working. We have one more for me to kill."

"Let me do that."

They all whirled.

Draco Malfoy-soaking wet Draco, stood by the door.

Opal raised her eyebrows. "Cured?"

He nodded.

"I never though of giving you a swirly...hm..."

"I want to destroy her." He repeated. "I've-I've done awful things since she came here. I need closure."

Opal was not convinced. "Your kidding." she said, rather flatly. "You need closure?"

"Yes! Really. That a mudblood actually confused me-and got_ the other one_ to help...God, that was the worst fanfiction I ever had to go through, and she brought it back. Let me give the killing blow."

The author studied him for a long time. "Alright."

. . .

. . .

Luna was a hero that night. Despite the obvious fact of another Sue, there was a huge party in the Ravenclaw common room. All the other houses somehow snuck in, so really, everyone was there.

It was also a novel experience, as Opal got her first taste of butterbeer; she never wanted to leave Hogwarts.

During the middle, The Golden Trio excused themselves with Opal, who insisted that there was still work to be done.

"I don't get it." Ron said. "Isn't Robina gone? She was hit with those green flames, right?"

"When I first came here, Robina told me she was too strong for flames. I think she's still out there. The author hasn't pulled the story yet..."

Harry nodded. "Okay, so, how do we get rid of her for good?"

"I think we're going to need the Hiatus cells for this one. She's rather strong, and I bet she's working on a plan."

"What about Malfoy? You promised him..."

"I'm not really worried about keeping my promises at the moment. So, if it can be avoided, he won't go anywhere near her, got it?"

They nodded.

"Okay. Here's the plan. Let's all rush in at once and then take her out."

Hermione raised her eyebrows. "That's your plan?"

Opal's grin became a bit cheeky. "Well, it always worked for you, eh?"

"Okay, then where is she?"

"Slytherin Common room."

"How do you know?"

"Come on, it's obvious. Let's go."

**AN: This chapter is penultimate! Wow, I feel nostalgic. Er...**


	10. And so the crisis has ended

Draco slunk quietly back to the Common room. The author had bought the ridiculous stuff he had spouted about 'closure'. It was time to rejoin Robina and to make their move.

How could anyone think that he would ever leave his love?

Blaise was his best friend, and he was trying to keep them apart. So if that was how they wanted it, fine! Draco entered the Slytherin Common room and saw Robina standing by the fire.

"Ro-"

"Don't, Draco. Really, don't." She wouldn't turn around, did this mean she was angry at him?

"But really, I didn't-"

She cut across again. "I saw you at the dance."

"Er...yeah, I was there with you."

"I saw you at the dance with Ebony."

Draco winced. Ouch.

"I wasn't with her, we were just talking."

Robina still wouldn't face him.

"What happened to her? Ebony? Did she escape?"

"No, the author had her...sorta sent away."

"The Hiatus Cells. Damn. I'm the only one left."

"I'll help you!"

Why wouldn't she turn around?

Robina scoffed. "What, you? A minor character in the sort of stories our lovely author reads. A minor character in this even. So don't start."

"But, I made them think I didn't love you anymore! I'll be on the inside, I can keep you filled in!"

"Hmmm. That actually might be worthwhile."

Draco beamed. He was being useful.

. . .

. . .

Opal was in the Room again. She rather liked in there.

Hermione, however, usually hanging on to the author's every word, looked distracted. The rest of the Trio were paying attention, but only cause they were teaching Opal wizard's chess.

"Knight to B5." she said, neatly killing off Ron's queen. He groaned, then proceeded to destroy her in two moves.

"Hey." Hermione said, but the other three were too busy having fun.

"Hey? Guys?"

"What is it, Hermione?"

"Er, I know you probably don't want to worry about this, but I have to say it. Wasn't Malfoy a bit odd?"

Ron sighed. "Mione, your worrying about Malfoy?"

"No! But, do you really think that he is back to normal?"

Opal though for a minute. "It is certainly a possibility. But...Harry? The Map?"

He rummaged in his bag for a bit, before finding the Maurader's Map.

"Okay." Opal said. "Where's Draco?"

"Ummm, Slytherin common room, no surprises there."

"Is Blaise with him?"

"No, Blaise is in the second floor boys bathroom."

Opal's eyes widened. "Where's the Sue?"

"Oh."

"Is she with him?"

"Er, yeah."

Opal got up and started running to the common room. The trio followed her, yelling out directions.

"No! Turn left!"

Opal veered off her path and into the dungeons. When she reached the door, she looked at the Trio for a password.

"How are we supposed to know?"

"Just yell Slytherin thoughts at it!"

"Pureblood!"

"Blood-Traitor!" ("Ron, that isn't very pureblood.")

"Um, Mudblood?" ("Harry!")

On a whim, Opal yelled, "Robina!"

The door opened.

"What. I can't believe that worked."

"Someone's obsessed."

Opal ran in, to find Draco and Robina standing by the fire.

"Freeze!" she yelled, before tripping and making a complete fool out of herself.

Robina was startled enough to actually turn around, and from her position on the floor, Opal heard gasps.

Lifting her head off the emerald carpet, Opal looked at the Sue, before gasping as well.

Her face was covered in acne, her brown hair seemed unmanageable. Her once topaz eyes were a watery shade of blue.

"You've reverted.." Opal said in a hushed voice. "You have reverted to your author form..."

Robina's voice became slightly high pitched.

"Nooooo!" she screamed. She covered her face and turned back around. But Opal had her chance. She aimed her communicator at the crying Sue, and a blue light shot out, scooping up Robina and transporting her, presumably to the League HQ.

. . .

. . .

"Well, it's time to be off." Opal said to the Trio.

They smiled around her. When Ron and Hermione had cleared off, Harry hung back.

"Opal, do me a favor?" he asked. "Write a story about Gin and me, okay? And get those two together, they deserve it."

Opal grinned. "That's a promise."

She faded out, transporting herself back to the HQ.

When she was gone, Harry could have sworn he heard her laugh-

** Okay guys! It's done! Complete! Woooo! Thanks to everyone who reveiwed on the story, I really appreciate it. Soon I'm starting another Fic, a Ginny/Harry one, purely for that last request. Its callled Joan of Arc, and I hope you guys will read it. Only thing is-this one is actually serious.**

**Anywho, thatnks again.**

**13opals, signing off!**


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